.Count your blessings.

2012-01-15T01:57:00.002+08:00

I am finally 19!!

Thanks to ALL for the LOVELY wishes!

To those who gave me presents, kudos to YOU!

Appreciate it a lots. <3

2012-01-05T01:38:00.003+08:00

9 MORE DAYS TO MY BIRTHDAY! *head-banging* Oh jyeah!

3 MORE DAYS TO SCHOOL RE-OPEN! *boo*

2012-01-05T01:31:00.001+08:00

Mommy, I want this birthday cake when I am turning 19th, can? There's a kid in me still. :B

2012-01-05T01:01:00.002+08:00

I want to own this, can? Online-shopping at Forever 21 site for now. Not buying but rather cuci mata sekejap. Cantik seh. Hmmm~

2012-01-05T00:27:00.005+08:00

Hey twinnie.

According to the calender, we are left with 9 more days to our birthday. Yes, my twinnie here has the same birthday as me. She is my best friend. She is single same goes for me. She wear spectacles same goes for me too. We fetish chinese guys. We are the "ambassador of METTA school" *inside joke* which only both of us know. We love to do weird/random things together. One of the reason why I love her company is because with one look we can understand what each of our mind are saying. In other words, you can call it something like "Telepathy?" She loves DURIAN just like I do. Alexander also loves DURIAN! So perfect! Xander, I want to MARRY you. What the fish meng? Ignore that. On a lighter note, SYUKUR ALHAMDULILLAH, ALLAH mempertemukan saya dengan kamu, Rizkha. <3 Let's do this countdown together.

2012-01-05T00:07:00.002+08:00

Alexander Lee Eusebio says this ---->

"2011= gone. Past is past. Leave your sadness behind and continue to solve your problems positively! Let's look forward and enjoy 2012 together!"

Alexander, I always want to I say that I amazed with you. All the crisis you faced, well you faced it well. *pats on your muscular shoulder* Despite at being only at the age of 23, your thinking is beyond matured. I am impressed. 2011 had been hard for you. Same goes for me. However, I am sure despite it all, we both have our fun times too in between. Do you know what I told myself every time I faced trouble in life? If Xander can face it, I can face it too. I always pray to Allah, hoping to meet someone like you. Your character makes me feel at times like jelly? Ok sounds stupid and corny. How should I put this? I LOVE your character. Your randomness about not concerning of what others may say about you, it just never seem to bother you. After all, you are an artist. You just love being yourself. Being the joker. Your HUMOUR personality is what melts me the most. Major turn ON! Truthfully, I am your NUMBER ONE FAN! Haha. I bet every fangirl does that, right? Don't mind me. My 19 birthday wish is to MEET you PERSONALLY! However, I know it will never come true. Shucks! Do come to Singapore if possible, okay? Fanmeet or something? :D

2012-01-04T23:49:00.002+08:00

Note To Self: No More Procrastination!

Project is due soon. School will be re-open soon. Birthday is coming soon. Okay, the birthday part is kind of extra. In other words, ignore that sentence. Time doesn't wait for us. We need to start working on something. Less talk < More work. I am halfway through on my WFB. Come on Nabilah! You can do it.

Though sad to say, I have not yet started on my BPS project. Worst, the last time I touch BPS project was the last day of school. For some reason, I don't even know where to start. Or just that I couldn't be bother with it? Okay, wrong. I am just being plain lazy. I been caught up with so many things and the fact that I am juggling it alone, make it more worst. Oh well, still for the sake of my grade I know I can accomplish this soon. Project, you're being such a beach!

I kind of wondering whether anyone has finish with their project? Be it individual or group work, have they actually finish with everything? I am like stuck halfway with everything. Craps. I need help. Or possible a clone to start with? Or even better someone do for me my BPS while I just lazing on my bed? Hah. Or give me a GENIE? I could use those 3 wishes NOW!

3 words for me: IN MY DREAMS. It only happen in fairy tale. I need pixie dust so that I don't have to worry about anything else and just have fun with Peter Pan. Add on, stay forever young. Oh jyeahh~

2012-01-03T15:23:00.000+08:00

Imma big big girl! :')

2012-01-03T02:22:00.001+08:00

11 more days into turning 9-teen. BOOOOOOOO!

ps; those nicknames still lingers around my mind~

2012-01-03T02:19:00.002+08:00

"Ber-emosi sekejap. Jangan takut. Sedih sekarang lepas tu happy lepas tu sedih. Daily routine."

2012-01-03T02:02:00.001+08:00

Found in Tumblr. Heh.

ps; hmmmm~ Time will heal.

2012-01-03T01:28:00.002+08:00

I am lost. I am feeling down like nearly every night now. I just can't lie to myself anymore. Guess what? I broke two glasses in a day. Sigh! Is it like a bad omen or something? I was in deep thoughts ever since that day. I tried to show a positive side of me but I think I fail somehow? Major Mojo Failure! How I wish I can brainwash my brain? Delete and throw it in the garbage. Boom. What crap am I saying now? Urgh.

#randomnakmampos

2012-01-02T02:25:00.002+08:00

Can I just say that I am literally still waiting for something that I know is beyond my reach?

PS, I read both of their tumblr. Read both of their twitter.

(No, this is not stalking. Just doing my research which I preferred to be called in that term.)

2012-01-02T01:13:00.004+08:00

First of all, HAPPY NEW YEAR!! I have been so busy that I had to neglect my blog for that period of time. Finally, I am updating again. Yeay to me!

Honestly, I find it hard to believe that 2011 ended just like that. It is a bit shocking, don't you think? Now a new year has set in. New problems or should I say new challenges that I will have to encounter soon in my life, I guess? I don't even know whether I am up for it or not.

Hopefully, this year will go smoothly for me. InsyaAllah. Ujian dari Allah pasti ada. Let us all have more faith in Allah and strengthen our Iman. Amin.

In 2011, so many obstacles that I faced in life. Yes, to minority maybe all of you people see is this bubbly girl who always smile and laugh to anything but little did you know of what I had gone through in life.

Upon the day receiving the result of which Polytechnic I was selected had been the first heartbreaking news. I worked my hardest for my O's without even giving a thought to go to ITE at all. Though I was given the second chance to apply for other Polytechnic but my confidence drop as I was given limited courses. In other words, I wasn't interested in the minimal courses given to me. With the support of my family, I proceed on to further my studies to ITE still.
After months had passed, my family faced family problems. How can I ever forget the letter that were received in the morning? It was so tragic.
Another heartbreaking news, both my paternal grandparents passed away.
Since I took banking course and guess what? I had zero foundation of POA.
I had "TTM" friend but it ended.

HOWEVER

Despite all the sorrows or you can say the heartbreaks I faced in life, let's not forget nikmat Tuhan beri kepada kita.

I got into Banking Course and meet wonderful amazing friends. IBL <3
My family had our first family trip to Colmar Tropicale after how many years of not travel to overseas.
I got to experience my first Korean Fan Meeting. (Jang Geun Suk.)
I had my very first virgin Aeroplane ride.
I was picked to go to New Zealand for an Overseas Experiential Programme.
I went to USS/Singapore Flyer.
I had my very FIRST date with my "TTM" friend. (12/11/2011)
I got chocolate rose first time too.
Given the chance to do Dragon-boat with IBL.
Rode a horse first time.
Sis got engaged.
Adam come to be part of my FAMILY! <3

I can go on but these are what vividly appeared to my mind. I have STM, you see. To sum it off, my 2011 didn't really turn out badly. :)

2012-01-02T00:39:00.003+08:00

Another glimpse of the pictures.

Henna!

Twinnie came too!

Me and twinnie. Feeling-feeling tunang~

Epic moment with siblings~

2012-01-02T00:08:00.003+08:00

Sis Engagement Day.

Alhamdulillah the whole ceremony went well. Honestly, it would be a lie if I deny that I wasn't nervous for my sister. Even though it was just an engagement to minority, it meant a whole lot for my sis and obviously for my family too. It was truly such a joyous occasion for my whole family. After all, it has been a long time since we had such an event. A HUGE thanks to ALL who make it ALL happen for my dear sis. I believe all our hard work finally paid off. Despite that I still am shagged, I am glad everything went smoothly.

Here is a glimpse of the picture taken that day. The end of 2011 being created with such a memorable moment.

My whole family

Siblings and Bakal Abang Ipar

Sis and her tunang

My brother and two sisters

2011-12-27T15:20:00.003+08:00

From today onwards, I will busy helping with my sis engagement. Need to clear away all those unnecessary things in my bro's room since that room will be booked for that very day. It felt like "spring cleaning" with the family all of the sudden. Oh well, let's get everything ready before my grandparents arrive on this Friday. Yippee! I really miss them. The thought of them staying all by themselves in Melaka, saddens me. Anyway, I don't think I will be that active in blogger/facebook/twitter/whatsapp. BUSY LADY MODE ON~

"I didn't mean to disappoint anyone. Obviously, I didn't had any intention of using people if that is what you may think of me. I just wish you could understand me even deeper." -anonymous

ps; your wish will be granted. Already gone~

2011-12-27T14:28:00.000+08:00

Alahai sweet macam popcorn!

2011-12-27T12:32:00.002+08:00

Our retard moments.

LOVE<3

2011-12-26T23:41:00.002+08:00

Outing with HER!

Today went well actually. I realised I had been laughing throughout the day with her. Yes, she is my childhood/kindergarten friend. Weird right? Normally people don't really keep in contact with their childhood friends but we both DO! She has something in common with me. For some reason, we could just relate to anything. We even shared the lamest jokes together. This is why I just love spending time with my friends. They get my jokes even though it was the most LAMEST thing on earth. We even talked about something that both of us were confused of. I guess it is just the matter of time which needs MAJOR patience to overcome this? Perhaps? We were stressed out literally because of that. Life? Full of surprises. Let just anticipate the unexpected.

Qoute of the day, You just can't please anyone.

2011-12-26T00:13:00.001+08:00

Snap One!

Snap Two!

Snap Three!

Snap Four!

Memories.

2011-12-25T23:42:00.002+08:00

Well, here it is. A picture collage for our so called TPS project last friday. Yes, we have to snap a lot of food pictures. For breakfast part is roughly done. Yeay! In the end, project will be officially complete by then.

2011-12-25T22:23:00.005+08:00

When boredom strikes, self-camera becomes your bestest best friend. I realised that all the pictures that I uploaded here in my blog is best viewed in Safari or Mozilla. Internet Explorer makes my pictures look rather "fade" in other words there's no colour seen much? Oh well.

First picture makes me look weird with spectacles, don't you think? Here I am just wondering whether or not I look better with or without spectacles? Speaking of which, it reminds me that I need to buy a new contact lens as soon as possible, by tomorrow prolly? Syukur Alhamdulillah, my right eye is doing much better now. Yes, it kind of got infected I believed. The redness and sore still there though but recovering fast. Oh yeah!

Anyway, I cannot wait for tomorrow. Finally, going out to meet my childhood friend. Yes, like finally a small reunion for both of us. Yippee! Hopefully, it goes well. Praying hard for a good weather as it can help brighten my mood even more.

Holidays is ending soon. In two more weeks time, school will re-open and depress moment will enter uninvitedly. Oh yeah, my birthday is coming soon. Shucks! Turning a year older means I should set a better goal for my life now,right? Hey Mom, can I have a Polaroid camera, pretty please? In my own dreams. Heh.

I wish or should I say I want to continue updating more however I am lost for words. I guess when nothing much going on with your life, it just getting more mundane? Ok wait, what the hell did I just said? Maybe I forget that this week something huge is happening to my family.

Yes, my sister is finally getting engage on 31 December. How could I be possible forget that? Even though it is a small event, it is something happening for the first time in my family to be experiencing this. I wonder when will it be my time? I cannot wait to find my the other half. Oh saudara, dimana kamu? Hehe.

2011-12-25T14:50:00.004+08:00

Last Friday, my cliques did our TPS project. Unfortunately, it was raining cats and dogs profusely that caused all of us to drench that day. Anyways, some works must be done still, right? Alhamdulillah, we managed to do breakfast part that were roughly done. For now, we are left with LUNCH and DINNER part. Hopefully, this project will be completed as soon as possible. It was really a nerve wrecking to know that there are some unfinished business while we are enjoying our holiday. Why project comes next after CA?

On the same night, I cried for I don't know what was the reason for. For some reason, I am facing an internal breakdown again. I just felt lost. The so called hope that I am still holding on are now perish from my life. Despite the in-direct term, I can sense it was ME you were referring of. I just acted dumb because I don't think I was prepared to face the truth.

Yet again, I know how this will end. Time will heal. Sigh!

ps; How long more must I wait?

Speechless

2011-12-22T21:25:00.001+08:00

:'(

2011-12-20T18:42:00.001+08:00

High school never ends! Hahaha.

1985555!!

I miss bowling for soup!! You guys RAWKZ!

2011-12-19T14:52:00.004+08:00

Guilt.

I can sense the sadness even if you try covering it up with the "haha" "lol". I mean I known you for quite a long time. I just felt bad over everything. We shall meet up again and have lots lots of fun. Somebodeh kill me. Sigh.

2011-12-19T14:49:00.001+08:00

I feel like I am neglecting my blogger now that I have something else to do. I will try to blog something.

Songs.

2011-12-18T15:27:00.001+08:00

2011-12-17T17:38:00.003+08:00

When I was 18, Mummy bought this for me and siblings who were the January Babies. Cupcakes!!

When I am turning 19 in like 3 more weeks+, I want this SKITTLES CAKE? Cannnnnnn? :P

If I receive this as a present, I be the happiest GIRL! :)

Yes, aku hantu gula-gula.

2011-12-17T16:24:00.002+08:00

Impromptu Plan. (T.G.I.F)

It was supposed to be just chilling under Rizkha's block until it rain that we changed the venue to go ahead to Ehub Downtown. I was at the bustop waiting for Rizkha to reach until I saw two familiar faces. It was Asroy and Syafiq. I was happy or you can briefly say it was like tears of joy upon seeing both of them. It has been awhile since most of my secondary school friends meet up, you know? I really miss each one of them.

Anyway, while they were waiting for their bus to arrive, they told me and Rizkha to join them and go to Hakim's house to chill there instead. And yes we agreed and will be meeting them later since we don't really have any plan in mind of what-to-do-later after we grab a bite or so called our lunch.

As soon as we reached Hakim's house, it was like a reunion feeling, seeing one by one of my classmates. Yes, Sebastian was there. He looked different. Different in a good way. He has slim down like totally. I looked at myself, I gain weight like nobody business. On a side note, I had tremendous fun that very day. Thanks for the laughter and crazy-ness that were spread yesterday guys! I LOVE YOU MANY (x INFINITY)

2011-12-15T17:20:00.003+08:00

I want to own all of this. Can? :)

2011-12-13T13:15:00.000+08:00

SWEEEEEEEET NYER! *melts*

2011-12-11T21:11:00.002+08:00

Changed blogskins.

Like finally this blog of mine deserves some changes. The old blogskins seems to be outdated for like nearly 1 year I am stuck with that skins design. Loving my new blogskins. Credits to the person who design this template and kudos to my sis for helping me applying the template on my blog. With this new blogskins, I can read back my old archives again. Honestly, reading back my old post was pretty much embarrassing with many English error in every sentence. What was I speaking again? Oh yeah, a full-time speaking bahasa melayu.

Aku Bukan Tomboy.

Honestly, everyone should watch this movie. Very funny that I kept laughing during the whole show though there are parts teary a bit. On the whole, it was great. Encourage youngsters, teenagers and oldies to watch the movie, AKU BUKAN TOMBOY!

Tak semua yang kita boleh percaya- aku bukan tomboy

2011-12-11T17:06:00.002+08:00

All time favourite! :)

2011-12-10T18:47:00.003+08:00

I want this bracelet pretty badly at Forever 21. It's beautiful. It even have an engraved "I love Paris". I want this for my 19th birthday. Sigh. Wait long long then.

2011-12-10T18:32:00.002+08:00

The lyrics so meaningful. Sigh. :/

2011-12-10T00:15:00.003+08:00

"I won't give up till it's over

If it takes you forever

I want you to know"

"And no matter what I do

I can't make you feel better"

"Tell me you won't give up

Cause I'll be waiting if you fall

you know I'll be there for you"

2011-12-10T00:03:00.003+08:00

Doraemon.

I know this sounds freaky but today I saw Doraemon features like in different shops 3 to 4 times in a day. Yes! In a day, I saw 3 to 4 doraemon features. Honestly, it brought back memories to me.

2011-12-09T23:31:00.004+08:00

Last Thursday Night. {T.G.I.T}

Finally, after how many months of not contacting this two, we finally meet. At first, it was only me and Irfan to go out and ate dinner together with my twinnie, Rizkha but then she had to cancel because her exams are coming. Next thing I knew, Irsyad, Irfan's the other half want to tag along. Yes, they are twins, just like me and Rizkha.

Side track for a moment, Irfan and Irsyad are real biological twins however me and Rizkha are not twins except that our birthday happen to be on the same day. Well, that's the whole point of why we called each other 'Twinnie'.

Anyways, I enjoyed myself pretty much yesterday laughing throughout the night with their nonsensical jokes they shared with me. Being the only girl, it was pretty much awkward for me but we made our way through. I keep telling them how I miss secondary school life and wish I could turn back time. Being around with this two made me reminisced back the good old days. So much need to catch up but yet with little time.

On a lighter note, I felt happy being around with this two. Thanks for yesterday Irfan & Irsyad.

2011-12-09T23:05:00.003+08:00

I want to have a companion like this DUDE here. Ahhhhh, why you so hot? Haha. *melts*

2011-12-09T22:37:00.002+08:00

Holidays.

Finally, after the long wait, it is now officially holiday break for ITE students. Supposedly, our holiday break starts today, on Friday however due to reasonable reason we were told that there will be no school on both Thursday and Friday. I believe majority are happy upon receiving the news especially me. Anyways, I shall see my classmates again when school re-opens on 9 January 2012 then except that only some that I will be meeting due to projects.

Geylang Serai.

I followed my Mother, Sister and also including my Mother's friend, Cik Sukma to Geylang Serai just now to find the necessary things to buy for my Sister's Engagement day. I am bushed literally throughout. Walking non-stop and making pit-stop at each shop. I did not know it could be this tiring. Anyways, this Engagement will be on 31 December at the end of this month. InsyaAllah, semua akan berjalan dengan lancar. Amin. :)

2011-12-06T21:33:00.005+08:00

Life.

No doubt this life is getting more interesting. Another day, a new topic to begin with. Who knew that life is full of surprises? Blessed. I cannot wait for Thursday to come. Not only will it be my last day of school but dinner with Irfan. All falls into place. Life is great. A lot of things to catch up with him.

2011-12-05T20:49:00.004+08:00

Numb.

Penetrating this pain seems to doesn't help. I try to do everything to just succumb this numbness away but I failed. I am too weak. I was not born to face this reality in life, what more of a human like me. I did try to stop for once and think about almost everything however I still feel lost. I just want the best for everything but I guess it is only me who pictured it that way. We expect too much in life and see this is the kind of result we faced in the end. Thus, in life don't expect anything but give more. When I do that, please don't take advantage of my kindness.

Fairy tales.

The more fairy tales stories I watched, the more I believe that happy ending will come to the end of every story. I shall wait for mine when it comes. Waiting for that prince charming to come and sweep me off the ground. Bring me to his palace and get married. Honeymoon? Let's go to VENICE! Sigh. I think I dream too much. All this gibberish talk about happy ending is nothing. In life, we have our ups and downs. Translation in malay, bak pepatah 'Air pun ada pasang surutnya'. Keadaan hidup seseorang tidak tetap, ada kalanya senang ada kalanya susah.

Strong.

What do people actually understand of the term 'strong'? By giving out sarcastic remarks? Bullying others that most people think are weak? Taking advantage of people that are less fortunate? Where is the justice to this? Strong, in my dictionary means able to stand on ground and hold your head high even when people are bringing you down. Still able to laugh and keeping a straight face even if you got the urge to just burst into tears and hide. Now, that is what I called strong. Words are just words. Talk is cheap, you know? Words cannot bring us down. The only thing that let it affect us is our mindset. Having a positive mind will bring out the best in us.

2011-12-04T22:27:00.002+08:00

Found this on some tumblr.

2011-12-04T21:38:00.005+08:00

Happiness is bliss.

All of us took different route as soon 2011 started. I miss the laughter and the lamest jokes that we all had created. You guys have been missed.

Much Love,

Nabilah Lee Eusebio.

2011-12-04T21:29:00.005+08:00

Listening to Avril Lavigne's song to accompany me for the night. Her songs are so relatable.

2011-12-02T17:01:00.003+08:00

Common Assessment are Over!

CA had finally ended. I mean like finally it had ended because I am already in my holiday mood. I cannot wait for the upcoming week to end. It will be my proudest moment to say 'Goodbye School and Hello Holidays'.

I am in need of this one month break literally. Ever since school re-opens, so much obstacles I faced in life. This term is the worst term ever. Projects after projects. Problems after problems. I realised I cried more lately, be it at day or night. However, facing this hurdles in life makes me stronger than never. Wonder why I said that? It is because I still managed to laugh and smile even though the pain I carried within me was overbearing.

I still remember one time when my mum confronted me and asked me "Why everytime you come back home, there is this worried facial expression you hold?" Mum just know me best. Despite the words are unspoken, she can read in between the lines. I have been making you worried, haven't I Mum? My bad. I shall stop being like this after all CA are over.

2011-12-02T16:34:00.004+08:00

Bills.

Received my phone bills yesterday. I was deeply disappointed with myself. I had never exceeded this much before. Last bill was already over 800 messages. Now the current bill is 1000 over messages. Then next month, how? Life is so unfair. If minority are wondering whether I have unlimited SMS, well the answer is NO. I only have 500 free SMS per month.

However, despite that I am disappointed with myself, my dad did not scolded me about this. What a GOOD DADDY to have. Phew! For all I knew he had paid the bills for me. He only asked me this question "Who did you message so much lately that it reaches to 1000 over?" And I did not reply to his question.

Note to self: Not going to used up my free SMS that much. Anything just talk through 'Whats App' if possible.

I want to be a good considerate daughter from now on. My dad does not deserve to splurge money on me just to pay my phone bills whereas he can use that money for other more important purposes. This guilt is killing me. Sorry daddy. :(

2011-11-30T17:25:00.003+08:00

Gamophobia - Fear of marriage

Philophobia - Fear of falling in love or being in love.

2011-11-29T18:35:00.002+08:00

On Replay! Everyone should listen and understand the lyrics. :'(

2011-11-29T17:24:00.002+08:00

Stress.

I know I should be studying now instead of blogging but I need a break from everything. Yesterday night, I burned the midnight oil studying for BPS until 4 am. It felt like O level season all of the sudden. I just cannot wait till it is over by this Friday. By then, I will be left with projects that need to be completed however projects could wait, right? This EXAM is really bugging me every bit. Please Friday come fast.

Not only am I excite that exam is ending on Friday but I will be having a jogging date with my loves. I gained weight like oh-so-many-pounds every day. This FATS has got to stop. I will use this one month break to be fit as possible. This 'flabs' need to be hidden. My cheek are round-er than before. This is so demoralising each time I look at myself in the mirror.

The most saddest thing I have strictly told myself is 'NO MORE CHOCOLATES!' 'NO MORE CANDIES!' In other words, no more fattening food will be consume by ME for this period of time. Try my best to eat healthier food. Oh boy! Please help me restrain myself from eating those oh-so-yummy-craving-fantastic-honeycomb-junk-food. Life is a bitch. Boo~

Anyway, took a ride bus home today with Ferronne instead of boarding the train . We missed bus 53 so took bus 58 instead. Man, I will tell you the journey is way longer. Comparing with the two busses, bus 53 take the shorter route hence I will reach my house faster. Taking bus 58 was the wrong move just now. Nevertheless, I had a 'wonderful' trip around Singapore. It was such a long journey back home that my butt was sore and numb.

Side track for a moment, I got a feeling that I will be sick right after this Common Assessment are officially over. My throat is itchy. I keep coughing every minute. Body temperature is still normal. Let's just pray I make it through the week.

10 December 2011, please faster come. XIEXIE~

2011-11-26T00:13:00.004+08:00

Meet Sugarplum.

I am just enjoying this Friday night. I shall plug in to music soon and let the music bring me to Neverland. I want to meet Peterpan. I want to be forever young. ~ Seriously, that picture above is NOT me. Ok, wait it is ME. My most stupidest yet should be a weetard picture for Peterpan. I miss my long hair. Grrr~

2011-11-25T22:32:00.003+08:00

.My ITE mates.

Yesterday, just as the school ended, I cried in front of my friends. I breakdown crying not seeking attention but literally I was dying inside. Crying out a desperation call for help. Everything just seem so down. My heart ached so bad. I thought I was stronger than this but I guess is a normal thing for a human to breakdown sometimes.

After all, crying is a way to release some internal pain and it is never meant to be WEAK. I was just as confuse as a lost duck finding its way back home, if possible I just want to run away from everything. However, running away from problems just won't go anywhere, does it? The problem will be kept hanging.

Anyway, after much tears been pouring out from this pair of eyes, they too deserve some rest. Not going to weep over things that are just bringing me down. Like what my friend, Diana, said " Chin Up!" Totally made me smile just by reading her text messages yesterday.

Guess what? Today, I must admit that Writing For Business CA was doable. InsyaAllah, semua orang akan lulus peperiksaan ini dengan cemerlang. Amin. Not confident in getting an A but perhaps prolly passing that paper with marks that is rather not disappointing would be of much help.

2011-11-16T00:36:00.007+08:00

Letter to Best-Friend./Twinnie

Your recent post made teary in my eyes. Do not ever feel like you fail as being there for me when I need you most. We are close to being 5 years knowing each other. Whenever I felt lost, I tend to recall those retards moments we shared. Remember "ambassador of metta school"? I had a pretty good laugh just by typing into this blog of mine. If you happen to read this, just want to let you know, I am glad Allah give me the chance to meet you in person.

2011-11-12T01:14:00.005+08:00

I had been complaining of how sleepy I am since the time I ended school today. Guess what? I had fallen asleep with my contacts still intact in my eyes without me realizing it. My whole body was shagged that I could use a massage by anyone. Anyone? Seriously, in need of m-a-s-s-a-g-e. Nevertheless, I received a piece of a good news. Totally, cheered me up. You do not know how happy I was to be fully trusted and given the chance to taste something new in my life.

Met with Diana to do some practices on our role-play scripts in the afternoon. You do not know how relieved I am when I managed to time myself exceeded 5 minutes. I was literally worried upon the first few try out where it was only 3 minutes back then. Yes, a huge jump still. Well, don't I deserve a pats on the shoulder? Same goes for Diana. Both of us was nervous at the start that just by looking at each other, we laughed instantly. This role play is truly a nerve-wrecking. I cannot wait till it is OVER.

This week feels rather L-O-N-G-E-R than before. It just drains out most of my energy in school. I am not motivated to study lately. This is bad, right? I am just trying to stay positive and look forward to each day. I have to start brushing up each of my modules. I need to stay focus. I have been distracted by a lot things and it should stop. I have to stop PROCRASTINATION. Projects are due soon. CA is approaching too. Oh mama mia~

My wish for the day is that I just want to faster end with everything and have my December holidays soon. Booyahh!

2011-11-04T00:03:00.004+08:00

Little did I know 2011 will be coming to an end. The journey that I made till this far shows how strong I have been for myself. To be able to cope with everything, I am thankful for that. I couldn't have done it or even made it this far without the guidance from my family and friends and my God, Allah. Though I must say, the urge of giving up is always there. Glad I was optimistic with everything that I faced and not pessimist about my future.

Quote of the day, "before you give up, ask yourself what made you hold on for so long?"

I have been using this quote to motivate me in every obstacles I faced in life. I just pray and hope 2012 to be a good year for me. InsyaAllah. :)

2011-11-03T23:51:00.003+08:00

I Miss My BabyGirls.

We shall have our reunion soon. <3

2011-11-01T20:43:00.004+08:00

Today marks a new month. I hope this month will past fast so that I could anticipate on my 19th birthday dated on 14 January. Hell yeah, I am turning 19. It is the ugly truth that my teenager life is about to end. I cannot believe my eyes. I feel so MATURED now, NOT! I am still a kid at heart, okay? I like to do things that are rather RANDOM. And I'm loving it.

2011-10-28T17:57:00.000+08:00

SWEEEEET MUCH! :)

2011-10-26T21:27:00.002+08:00

Yeah, it turns out that I am being ridiculous now, huh? For not being able to understand and see the situation out of the box, I am such a heartless person. My bad. I shall take the blame. I shall accept it like a man. Don't worry, I will be FINE. I been there and done that. So, with all due respect, I do not mind at ALL. :)

2011-10-24T20:38:00.002+08:00

A new week again. I hope it will pass fast. I am busy with project for now. A song to brighten your day.

2011-10-22T14:36:00.003+08:00

Hearing the rain drops outside my window gives me the shivers down to my spine. A year ago, I was 17 and sat down for O Level Examination. I was young and naive. I still am being one actually. I could not believe of how time flies really fast. It just felt so yesterday where I was literally struggling and coping with all of my subjects. And yes, I was stressing with English the most. Even up till now, I still am.

Enough said about English, it just make me more worried further more now that I am learning this new module, WRITING FOR BUSINESS.

Life is pretty good for me, I believe. Looking forward to each day though I kind of hate Monday out of all the week. I mean, hey, we all have this mindset whereby we think that our weekend ends pretty fast. WE NEED MORE REST than STUDY. Wooops.

Anyway, last week ended really fast. Even my friend, Diana, agreed with me. I told Diana maybe it was because we have been release early each day or it is not? Hmm.

Nearly a month ago, I was at New Zealand. Now I am back in school and kind of miss the weather there though it is freezing during that time. I miss the feeling of CALMNESS when I was there. The calm feeling really put my mind to at ease. It just put aside all my burden and worries. Just enjoying the scenery.

Oh yes! The scenery there especially in the morning was FABULOUS! One day, I would love to fly back there. This time round with my whole family. It will be more wicked. *evil grin*

I got a question that I have been pondering about. I shall not say it hear. Too much things I am letting out. Too many ears and eyes watching. I shall zip my mouth for now.

To end this post, (it has been 4 years and still counting) I am still blogging till now. :)

2011-10-20T21:00:00.001+08:00

I can hardly blog. I cannot find the time. I shall update you soon. So much to let out.

2011-10-11T20:54:00.003+08:00

A new WEEK to be correct. Let just put everything behind and look forward for the future. I don't blame no one else but me. I learnt that if something or someone was meant to be yours, it/they will stay but if it/they doesn't, it means it is time to LET go. During this past 18 years of living in this world, I learnt a lot of things that I never knew it could make such a huge impact on me.

I am glad for some reason that I got a chance to experience it though the pain was unbearable. The hardship we face in life often teaches us something in the end. At times, the urge of giving up is always there waiting for us to get close but what made us strong was knowing that there are many fishes still swimming and it is not the END of the world.

Anyway, seeing my result, my GPA to be correct, was really DEMORALISING. As soon Mr Lee distributed out our result slip, I was on the verge of crying. I already knew my GPA result beforehand but the feeling of disappointment is just there. I don't deny the fact that I envy my friends who gotten 4 pointer. Congratulations! I will try my very best this semester. Please don't be mean to me especially WRITING FOR BUSINESS!

ENGLISH! Please be nice to me from this minute. Thank You.!

2011-10-06T13:43:00.011+08:00

I am starting to like SVE now. I just love the way Ms Felina teaches. It makes the whole period not boring at all. I am amazed of the countless trip she had went. Hearing her stories, motivates and somehow inspires me to travel more often. I want to collect enough money for now. My aim is to travel around the world. Oh yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

2011-10-06T13:26:00.005+08:00

Happy Birthday Daddy!

2011-10-05T16:29:00.001+08:00

2011-10-05T16:11:00.004+08:00

Old friend, why are you so shy?

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited.

I wish nothing but the best for you too.

-Adele

2011-10-04T20:07:00.002+08:00

New term has just began. I am feeling less excited about it. On the first day of school, I walked out of the house with a heavy heart. I do not know why I was feeling that way but I knew deep down something was literally bothering me.

Maybe it was because of my GPA result? Possibly.

Or was it because of something else?

I just don't have the answer to my own question. I was having my Monday blues. I mean everyone was having their Monday blues too, right? After all, we were still in our holiday mood.

The journey of going to school was not surprising. For some reason, I expected it to turn out that way. It was packed as hell in the train during peak hours. Always. Yes, never have I wished to own a car of my own. Or better find a man who can drive me to school and pick me up when I am finish? It will a happy ending for me. I would not need to be stuck in the train whereby most of the time it is kind of suffocating with people hovering around me that period.

Okay, let's side track for a moment. I have to be strong now for myself. I have done this multiple of times. I have endure this for my whole 18 years living in this world. I just need a breather. I am so mentally weak that I do not know how long I can take it. This is just far beyond hope. Everyday, I feel that my laughter and smile is just a way of disguise to cover up my act. Honestly, if you were in my shoes, you would understand just fine. I am not feeling alright. I want to cry so bad in my dreams so that once I am back in reality I know that I just had a nightmare only.

Being a teenager, I faced all kinds of challenges in my life. I mean who wouldn't? Everyone does. It is just the matter of time. Once I graduate from ITE and hopefully to further my studies in Polytechnic, I want to get a stable job. I want to find that lost soulmate of mine. I want to be in love where I know it all ends like fairy tales story. I want to have children of my own flesh and blood. I am just picturing everything in my head, fixing all the missing puzzle pieces. However, that missing piece is still lost somewhere.

Anyways, since this is new term, we all will be learning new module subject. Among all the subject, I heard that Writing For Business is the killer. How am I supposed to write good English when back in high school, I had a hard time and it wasn't easy getting a C6 for English O level, okay? I nearly given up doing English. Who knew you still have comprehension in ITE? I am going to be dead. Worst dead. Worried. A word that describe my feelings for now.

2011-09-30T11:15:00.007+08:00

Outing with IBL.

Well, it has been quite long since the last time I had seen them. When was it again? The last day of exam, I assume. Since I was away at NZ, we had to cancel our raya outing. I hope next year we be able to raya together, okay IBL? Anyways, I am uber glad there was an outing yesterday, just a little gathering, catching up with everyone lives. Even though the time we spent was for awhile, I really enjoyed myself yesterday.

And yes, how can I forget the starting of the journey? As soon Shera and Aidah reached the entrance of VIVO CITY, we hugged. Never did I realise how much I miss my cliques so much. Not to forget Atiqah, Diyana and Effa, yes we hugged. When I was away at NZ, I look back at my girls picture that were taken together with me, just making me know that they are there with me at NZ.

Yes, I was the only IBL, first year batch in the NZ trip but syukur alhamdulillah I get along well with the others. :)

2011-09-24T17:00:00.005+08:00

I am back from NEW ZEALAND! The whole trip was purely AWESOME. Alhamdulillah, all of us safely reached our journey back to and fro. Despite there has been delayed at Brisbane, I am overwhelmed with the whole period I had spent with my senior throughout the trip there. Not only do I learnt and understand about their culture and past history but also enduring the cold weather that is low than 18 degrees. I am proud to say "my first far away virgin trip without parents" is the most incredible experienced I had so far. I will be uploading the pictures that I taken so far pretty much soon.

KIA ORA

2011-09-12T16:05:00.006+08:00

As you know, this Sunday, I am off to New Zealand. It is a school trip kind-of-thing. I was one of the lucky 20 students being involve in this trip. I am uber excited. I mean who wouldnt be, right? Afterall it would be my first far away overseas trip and first time boarding the aeroplane.

My bags are like 20 percent done? I am still waiting for the another briefing. Yes, it is pretty much a last minute notify. Anyway, I already got and put all my warm clothes aside since it is going to be pretty much cold there.

I wonder when I breathe out during the time I am at NZ, will I able to see some gas or something coming out from my mouth? It is just like how they usually do in the movie? Breathe in and out, showing-how-cold-the-weather-is-kind-of-thing? If youre a movie freak like me,I am guessing you would roughly understand what I am trying to say.

Last Friday was a stressful day for me. Alhamdulillah, it is now settled. Se-toooo-pid CPF CONTRIBUTION, make me stress.

Honestly, as much as I am excited for the trip, being away from family, friends and ADAM especially, it is so saddening. I mean with who would Adam sleep when I am away? He always sleep with me. Lucky those scratch marks given by Adam, will accompany me for that one whole week. I am going to miss his bucuk towel where he carry around the room.

2011-09-12T15:50:00.004+08:00

I am in love with this song. Avril, all your songs is so RELATABLE.! :)

2011-09-09T00:43:00.005+08:00

Facing another problem one after another. I chose to keep a low profile for now. Anything just text me.

2011-09-05T17:01:00.003+08:00

Behind my every smile you''ll never know the tears cried. Behind my silence you''ll never know the words left unsaid.

2011-09-05T16:36:00.007+08:00

Honestly, I think I SCREW up my Business Environment paper today. Although 3/4 of the paper was manageable but that 1/4 is making me lose marks bit by bit. I shall drown my pain and sorrows with Chocolate Chip Ice Cream later. Bila fikir-fikir balik, tiada gunanya kita menangis nasi yang sudah menjadi bubur, kan? I guess for now I NEED to focus on my Principle Of Account. Let's leave my BZE to fate. Afterall, I've tried and put in effort, kay?

PS; Dear Mr POAH_93, please be nice to me tomorrow? I will be studying my hardest. I mean practice POA till I get that format right.

And umm, don't know if I should say this, Afakufasufakafasefasefaofarangfa. Paham-paham sendiri, yer? :)

2011-09-01T16:52:00.001+08:00

2011-09-01T16:07:00.005+08:00

This year Raya as expected turn out to be less exciting. Aside from the fact that my exams are around the corner, I have not yet touch down on the first house visit yet. Daddy got to work on the day of Hari Raya. I am not going to lie that I am sad. Frankly just putting a smile to cover my sadness. Life is just so unpredictable sometimes, you know?

Lately I feel lost. Or is it my mood swings that is reminding me of my period is coming? Mum said it could be my mood swings playing around with my feelings. I was not being myself during school yesterday. I was like "blur sotong" that day and I do not know why. Although I laugh like nearly a lot in school but does one know that I am TRYING really hard to make all my problems disappear?

So, I asked my mum this yesterday "Mak pernah ada rasa, hati mak, macam tak tenteram?"

And her reply was, she thought I am worried for the New Zealand trip instead.

Well, hell no. I is super-duper-oh-so-excited for the trip. Just this feeling of insecure/worried/afraid/scared/sad is attacking me since yesterday. Will someone give me a POTION OF HAPPINESS just to ease my tension? Heh.

Forgot to mention, coincidentally, my twinnie called me yesterday night. Hearing her voice yesterday made my day somehow. Atleast, that "feeling" which I do not know how to describe, stop for awhile.

Wondered why I give a nick as TWINNIE? Same birthday larh in exactly 4 months time, SWEET 9-TEEN. We shall date pretty soon huniebunie.

2011-09-01T15:48:00.005+08:00

SELAMAT HARI RAYA MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN!!

2011-08-09T13:02:00.000+08:00

Iftar With My Munchkins! <3

2011-08-09T12:59:00.000+08:00

CELEBRATING NATIONAL DAY 2011. <3

2011-07-29T13:57:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALEXANDER LEE EUSEBIO.
SARANGHEYO!

2011-07-29T13:51:00.003+08:00

I want to change for the better.

I want to be in love and be loved back.

I want to live life to the fullest.

I want to be shower with love and happiness.

I want to widen my circle of friends.

I want to face my fear.

I want to do something out of the ordinary.

I want you to know that I am still trying and not giving up.

There it goes, I've just said it. Almost everything.

2011-07-28T18:53:00.004+08:00

Yesterday, I was not in a pretty good mood. I let it bugged me that in the end I was literally avoiding all of my classmates. I kept quiet and kept low profile for that period of time. I dont know how to react or handle the situation well. I was briefly speechless and felt down. All I know, I want to be left alone. Yes, I told a white lie to my classmates by saying that I am tired since school yesterday ended late. I apologies for that, really I do. If any of my classmates, IBL, are reading this, I am sorry for saying "I am tired". I just dont want any of you to worry about me. IBL, thank you so much for the concern. I really do appreciate it. <3

*inside joke
Hakim: I think I know whats bothering you yesterday but I dont want to say it. Aku nyer orang, boleh baca fikiran orang. Actually, dah besar aku nak jadi psychiatrist.

Me: *laughing like some mad girl* Ouh I see. :)

2011-07-23T20:48:00.003+08:00

I have been into deep thoughts lately. When I am around with my friends and family, all my worries and that insecurity feelings, just seem to be push aside.

However, everytime I am alone, I think so far that I totally ignore my surroundings. Sometimes, I hate the fact I am acting like this. I just realised that most of my previous post was so EMO.

Okay, done with that. Lets turn that unhappy smile to a happy smile,shall we? Note to self: Never let negativity invade my mind too much. Obviously, I am bored right now. I had just checked my Facebook and Twitter. Nothing much. Basically, it is the same thing.

Ouh, I forgot to mention that I am going to get my 1.2k scholarship money pretty soon. I can feel it. Hopefully, it's soon. I had planned really well with what I should do with the money.

Anyhoos, fasting month is coming. Alhamdulillah. We can do this! Hwaiting!

2011-07-23T20:33:00.003+08:00

Dragon Boat With IBL mates. <3

I enjoyed to the fullest that day espcially the part where my class began splashing water to each other. Yes, we were soaking wet but on the whole it was such a good experience for me and the rest of my friends. I guess the other BANKING classes felt the same too? :)

2011-07-20T20:38:00.001+08:00

Behind every smile, there's a secret left untold.

2011-07-17T23:14:00.003+08:00

(click to enlarge)

I love my friends. Thanks for just now. We laughed and We shared the PAIN and JOY together. Shall look forward to the next outing.

ps; I hate reading my previous post. :/

2011-07-15T21:14:00.002+08:00

I just don't know what is wrong with me. Can I pause this life for a minute? I need some sign and direction. Period.

2011-07-10T18:24:00.004+08:00

And its true that the outside world is far too cruel. Too cruel that they won't admit their guilt in them. Too selfish that they neglect one feelings. Too foolish that they are not being responsible of their own act. Just being a pathetic little pest. We have feelings. Do you understand what I'm trying to make out of this?

2011-07-10T13:46:00.000+08:00

Just because my eyes don't tear, doesn't mean my heart won't cry. Just because I come off as strong, doesn't mean there is nothing wrong.

2011-07-10T13:32:00.002+08:00

You know my name, not my story. You've heard what I have done, not what I have been through.

2011-07-09T13:57:00.003+08:00

Outing with Peace Of Laugh! <3

And I am still thinking about what that SOMEONE had said to me. To be honest, I am amazed and impressed. Here I thought I was not an open book. I thought no one can see what is going through my mind. It all began until that CHATTING SESSION started. I called that SOMEONE, a friend that you could depend in times of need. You make me think a lot throughout the day.

2011-07-06T16:39:00.002+08:00

ODAC Activities @ Pulau Ubin. Ever since I join this CCA, it taught me how to fight my fear and overcome all kinds of obstacles that I face be it in this activities or in life. I thank Allah for always guiding me in my journey of life. Also, to ALL of my SENIORS in ODAC, in regards of taking good care of me that day in Pulau Ubin, a BIG THANK YOU to ALL! Mok and Wan was such a good 'brother' in taking care of me. Maceh sangat2. And yes, I was practically one of the last cyclers but the word 'GIVE UP' was never in my dictionary. In addition, thanks to those who gave me the full encouragement and support, credits to you guys. On a lighter note, I am glad I had such a good learning experience that day.

2011-07-06T16:32:00.002+08:00

An outing with my sweeethearts! Watched Transformer 3 together. Can I tell you guys something? This is our FIRST time after how many years of friendship since primary school days of FINALLY watching a movie together. Usually, we would just hang out at Town area there and took many pictures but that day we did something out of the ordinary. IMMAHAPPYGOOBER. :)

2011-07-05T16:21:00.001+08:00

AKU IS SEDIH! :(

2011-07-05T16:09:00.003+08:00

I feel lost yet again.

I hate this 'feeling'.

Before it become worst, I MUST get rid off this 'feeling'.

I been in this position before and I know I can fight off this 'feeling'.

I know I can.

Just one negative remark and I can easily put off this 'feeling'.
Please stop giving me hope.

I can't stand it any longer.

What's worst is that I have made myself think ____.

2011-07-03T14:07:00.003+08:00

An outing at Sentosa with IBL mates cum celebrating Hakim's 18 advance birthday.!

2011-06-29T16:00:00.002+08:00

(I was reading back my older post. And I just got to copy paste everything that I posted last year and re-post it again.)

Time check now is 12:36 am.
Date today 12 NOV 2010.

I am proud to say that ORDINARY LEVEL are finally over! I had waited for this day to come but somehow deep down inside me thinks otherwise. Yes, I am kind of feeling a little bit of emotional right now but I get over it. I mean it is time to just push everything aside and have fun, right? I think I deserved the rest for now and worry later. For those who had put so much effort in your studies and revision, go out and enjoy life. Like seriously, with those "panda eyes" to some minority or should I say majority of you getting, you really need a break. Like me, for instance. Yes, my eyes looked horrendous and it is UGLY. I need to catch up on my sleep soon.

Maybe minority might be wondering why am I updating late at night or should I say morning instead? Obviously, I got time to do it the next day but I chose to do it today because I feel like it. Nobody around telling or nagging at me to sleep early. It is fun you know?

So this is what it feels like to have no more homeworks, revision or even exams? I have to admit that I am starting to like this. Afterall, this is just the beginning. The beginning to everything.

Anyways, I bet some of you are getting prepared for PROM? Yes, I am excited but slightly worried since I am representing my class to do the MANTLE! Why I am worried? Reason is simple because I have stage fright especially when I am surrounded with other Upper Secondary while my friends are on the other side of the hall. Let just hope I did not trip or humiliate myself infront of everyone.

Speaking of prom, I still have yet to find my dress. *screams*

Guess what? I think I have plan my time wisely for the next couple of days. WATCH KOREAN DRAMA! WATCH KOREAN DRAMA! WATCH KOREAN DRAMA! I cannot wait to start watching "Sungkyunkwan Scandal" . Recommended by my friends.

Ouh I forgot that I got religious exams coming soon. Lucky only 4 subjects being tested but I still must study since it is my-so-called final year.

Relieved. I finally revived this oh-so-dead-blog-of-mine after so long HIATUS. Till my next post, love.